Chapter 60
Qi Junmu stepped back slowly and sat down in the imperial chair, his expression both calm and complicated. He knew he was a stubborn and serious man.
It could be seen from his pursuit of Wen Wan in the past: whether her health was poor or the Empress Dowager disapproved, if he liked someone, he would speak his mind—even before the fearsome Emperor Jing, he would fight for what he wanted.
After marrying Wen Wan, when the Empress Dowager disliked her, he shielded her; if the Empress Dowager deliberately found fault, he still protected her. Marrying Wen Wan had been his choice, so he would see that she suffered no injustice.
From this, it was clear that Qi Junmu was a deeply earnest man. Before making any decision, he would weigh it carefully; once he had chosen, he would not regret it, nor would he allow anyone to bully those under his protection.
Then came betrayal. Living a second time—if he could go back to the very beginning, he would abandon Wen Wan without hesitation.
Even if hatred and resentment lingered, he would never let that person appear before him again. Of course, he had not returned to the start—everything had already settled.
Toward Wen Wan, who had once been both love and nightmare, Qi Junmu—despite his inner turmoil—could still observe coldly, using her every action to remind himself just how foolish he had once been.
Comparing Shen Nian to Wen Wan was, of course, unreasonable.
Toward Shen Nian, Qi Junmu's feelings were complicated.
Shen Nian was an unbound soul—seemingly gentle and aloof, utterly indifferent to power. Otherwise, he would not have left so freely in the previous life. This was precisely why Qi Junmu had chosen him as an ally.
There were generals who could fight, and there were those of humble birth—but only Shen Nian viewed power as fleeting as clouds. In a sense, Shen Nian was the cleanest person in Qi Junmu's eyes, untouched by worldly dust.
They worked well together, their sovereign-subject bond harmonious. Naturally, Qi Junmu did not wish to become distant or estranged from him.
Yet this sudden discovery threw him into disarray. But Qi Junmu was a stubborn man; even as panic rose, he suppressed it. He thought: If it's Shen Nian, I am willing to carefully consider the possibility.
Considering such a matter required time—especially one that might affect the rest of his life. Qi Junmu was cautious.
Qi Junmu was surprised that his first thought was this—yet, somehow, not entirely surprised.
The matter had come too suddenly, yet Qi Junmu remained composed. After calmly analyzing Shen Nian's feelings, he did not once consider exploiting him.
Never once did he think of approaching Shen Nian with a false front, softening his manner to win unwavering loyalty—to wield him as a blade without love or hatred.
Qi Junmu never entertained that thought. He had failed in love himself, but he would never use another's feelings for his own gain—no matter how unconventional those feelings might be.
Indeed, Qi Junmu even calmly considered the consequences of the two of them being together.
As Qi Junmu turned these thoughts over, Shen Nian slowly gathered himself.
Both were intelligent men. It did not take Shen Nian long to grasp what the Emperor was thinking.
He marveled at the Emperor's sharpness, calm, and restraint. Then, pressing his lips together, he spoke in a voice dry and hoarse: "Your Majesty, this humble subject..."
Qi Junmu raised his hand to cut him off. He looked at the equally young Marquis Zhenbei and asked, "Shen Nian, what is it that you want from me?"
Shen Nian looked back at the Emperor, his thoughts shifting back and forth in a storm.
What did he want from the Emperor?
He wanted the Emperor's complete trust. He wanted the Emperor himself. He wanted that heart of his that always seemed just out of reach. He wanted the two of them to merge so tightly that they became inseparable—one person in body and soul.
He wanted to become the person closest to the Emperor, wanted their feelings to stand on equal ground—two hearts leaning on each other, pressed close, inseparable in life, and in death, hands clasped together.
He wanted to clear every obstacle from the Emperor's path, so that he could sit steady on the dragon throne, looking down upon all from on high. He wanted the Emperor to become one whose every word was final, whose every decree was law—someone no one would dare displease or make uncomfortable.
Everyone would stand in awe of the Emperor and carry out his commands. Even if the price was that he himself would become the sharpest blade at the Emperor's side, even if history would brand him infamous and despised by all.
In both public and private matters, that was all he wanted.
But everyone in this world knew that what the heart desires and what reality delivers are always far apart. People aim high, yet are all too easily struck down by the truth.
In public, he could achieve it. But in private?
When the Emperor was simply the Emperor, he could be a loyal subject. But when the Emperor was Qi Junmu, what he wanted was like trying to pluck the moon with a ladder—impossibly out of reach.
Shen Nian stared blankly at the Emperor, his eyes pitch-black, without a single glimmer of light.
Meeting the Emperor's serious gaze, waiting for an answer, Shen Nian lifted his robes and knelt. He dropped his eyes slightly and said, "This humble subject, Shen Nian, prays for peace throughout all of Da Qi and for the safety of its people. This humble subject hopes that Your Majesty remains healthy and strong, and that he may share Your Majesty's burdens and cut away Your Majesty's troubles."
His voice was not particularly stirring when he said this—not like the rousing oaths before charging into battle. But these words struck Qi Junmu's already rippling heart like countless fine needles piercing it all at once.
It wasn't exactly painful—just a dull, repeated pricking that made one deeply uncomfortable.
A ruler and his subject—their stations were as far apart as heaven and earth. A minister before his sovereign could not even speak his deepest wish without wrapping it in roundabout words.
Qi Junmu thought to himself: if he hadn't happened to discover Shen Nian's true feelings today, even if this man had spoken those very words in front of him, he would have taken them at face value—as Shen Nian's most honest thoughts.
A righteous minister who genuinely cared for the people, who wanted to share his sovereign's burdens and bring peace to the realm—wasn't that perfectly normal?
But now, he could hear the deep, hidden affection beneath the words.
It was a strange sensation—somewhat unsettling and disorienting—yet it didn't feel repulsive or unwelcome.
Qi Junmu forced himself to stay calm and said, "Rise." His first instinct, as always, was to step forward and help the man up.
But after a moment's hesitation, he did not.
Shen Nian stood, his expression composed, and did not look at the Emperor.
Qi Junmu said nothing either. His heart, of course, was far from calm. He thought that anyone in the world, upon suddenly discovering such a peculiar affection, would be anything but calm. The most crucial point was that he did not dislike Shen Nian—but could he accept it? Or should he maintain the appearance of things as they were?
Weighing these thoughts, Qi Junmu spoke: "Shen Nian."
His voice was very gentle, so much so that in this situation it almost sounded tender.
Shen Nian lifted his eyes to look at the Emperor, and he couldn't help but grow nervous.
The Emperor rarely called him by name. When he did, it usually meant he was in a very good mood.
Shen Nian stood there, as if awaiting an unknown judgment.
Qi Junmu rose and paced two steps back and forth before saying, "No one has ever loved me before."
Shen Nian was stunned. His first reaction was disbelief—how could no one in this world love the Emperor?
Perhaps because his secret had been uncovered so abruptly, Shen Nian found it hard to control his expression. Every thought in his mind was written plainly on his face.
Qi Junmu saw it clearly and said, "That's not what you think. Let me put it this way—Prince Jin loves me, but that is brotherly affection. Yours is different."
Shen Nian hadn't expected the Emperor to spell out his feelings so directly. He felt awkward, yet at the same time, a strange sense of relief.
The most embarrassing moment had already passed; everything else no longer mattered.
Qi Junmu watched his evasive eyes and continued, "You're clever enough to see that I don't find you repulsive."
Shen Nian said nothing. He realized his thoughts could never keep up with the Emperor's. He had thought the Emperor would take the easy way out, but he didn't. He had thought the Emperor would let the matter drop, but he didn't either.
So what exactly did the Emperor intend to do? Shen Nian felt his mind failing him. He dared not think, dared not ask—he could only wait for the Emperor to speak.
"But that isn't fair to you," the Emperor's voice sounded beside him, like a sigh, like a whisper.
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