Chapter 66
Qi Junmu's magnanimity and candor brought a faint flush of embarrassment to Shen Nian, who had clearly caught the implication beneath his words. A man who showed not a flicker of emotion on the battlefield now found his heart pounding like thunder at a single sentence.
It was the first time Shen Nian had ever experienced such a feeling—rather novel, in its own way.
Shen Nian gazed at Qi Junmu, ripples stirring in his eyes.
It had been but a few short months since they first met, yet the bond between them had already shifted beyond recognition. When Shen Nian first realized he had fallen for Qi Junmu, there was fear in his heart, but he still accepted it with honesty.
Perhaps the first stirring had come the very moment he got that illustrated springtime book in the palace—and he had never once tried to hide his feelings behind pretense. Yet at the same time, he had always intended to bury them deep within his heart and take them to his grave, never to speak a word of them aloud.
A minister who held military power, and an emperor enthroned above all—the possibility of them being together was all but nonexistent.
Emperor Jing and his father, Shen Yi, had already set an example before them. The emperor stood at the pinnacle, bound by immense constraints. And yet, before Shen Nian, the emperor was at ease, his speech casual and unguarded.
If Shen Nian's conscience were clear, this manner of sovereign–subject interaction would be the most comfortable arrangement imaginable.
But because his own heart harbored improper feelings, even the Emperor's most ordinary words sometimes struck Shen Nian as bittersweet and aching.
Even so, Shen Nian strictly observed the bounds of ruler and subject, never overstepping in the slightest. He accepted the fact that he had fallen for the Emperor—yet in his heart, that affection was built upon a foundation of impossibility.
He had never imagined the Emperor might harbor any special regard for him. Even when their interactions crossed the line of ordinary ruler–subject relations, Shen Nian would constantly remind himself of where he stood.
He was calm enough and clear-headed enough to draw a sharp line between affection and duty, never allowing the two to blend.
Of course, doing so was difficult. When anyone in this world falls for another, they always hope for the best possible ending. He was no different—but the one he loved happened to be an emperor.
Loving such a man demanded absolute clarity and reason; otherwise, he would betray not only himself but also the Northern Frontier soldiers who had crawled out of heaps of the dead alongside him.
He had already steeled himself to bury this love deep in his heart and carry it with him to the grave—yet events had spiraled in directions beyond his control.
The Emperor he loved also harbored unusual feelings for him—perhaps not as deep as his own, perhaps not as joyous, and even tinged with a measure of panic and bewilderment.
But the Emperor was equally strong-willed, equally composed.
The Emperor had analyzed his own emotions and declared he would give the matter thought. Shen Nian could not describe what he had felt in that moment—there was joy, there was panic, there was elation, and there was helplessness.
The Emperor had quickly perceived his turmoil and skillfully soothed him. He said he would consider it—and the premise for considering this relationship was that the rear palace would hold no beauties, and he needed no heirs.
That was the greatest obstacle Shen Nian had not dared to confront openly—because the Emperor needed a rear palace, and he needed successors.
But the Emperor had so lightly told him that this was nothing to worry about, nothing to dwell on. Taken in another sense, such words meant that this ill-fated affection might very well become reality.
For the Emperor had dispelled all of Shen Nian's doubts, granted him absolute respect, and not even shown the faintest hint of using him. Such sincerity would be difficult even for an ordinary man—let alone an Emperor.
As a sovereign and as a man, Qi Junmu was, in Shen Nian's eyes, a rarity beyond compare.
These past few days, Shen Nian had been constantly wondering what stroke of fortune had brought him to meet someone like Qi Junmu. If he were not the Emperor, Shen Nian would have taken him home long ago.
Mutual affection, and seeing each other every day—the very thought of it was beautiful.
When a flicker of embarrassment crossed Shen Nian's face, Qi Junmu was watching him.
When a smile bloomed on Shen Nian's face, Qi Junmu's lips also curved gently, revealing a trace of delighted laughter.
By the time Shen Nian's expression had returned to calm, Qi Junmu was still gazing at him with a smile.
Shen Nian composed himself and said, "Your Majesty—"
Qi Junmu raised a hand, cutting him off. "Shen Nian, hear me out."
Shen Nian fell silent and looked steadily at the Emperor.
Qi Junmu's smile did not fade. He spoke softly: "My current position makes it difficult for me to devote myself wholly to this feeling. Most importantly, there is an empress in the palace—even if she holds only the title. Yet I cannot help feeling that I have wronged you. You should not have to take a place beneath anyone else—not even a nominal empress."
The Emperor's words were warm, their meaning tender.
Shen Nian thought to himself: having heard these words from the Emperor, he would have no regrets left in his heart.
Qi Junmu continued in a gentle tone: "Shen Nian, being with me now is somewhat unfair to you. Wait until I have settled all these tangled affairs inside and outside the palace—I promise you, I will never let you suffer injustice again."
When Qi Junmu finished, Shen Nian pondered the meaning behind his words, then smiled and said in a jesting tone: "This humble subject had thought Your Majesty was going to say that you would only consider these personal matters after all those affairs were resolved."
The two sat very close—close enough that Qi Junmu could easily take Shen Nian's hand.
Qi Junmu thought it, and so he did it.
He shifted his chair a little closer to Shen Nian. He took Shen Nian's right hand and played with it in his palm, then responded with perfect composure: "You cherish me, and I cherish you. I will not forcibly suppress this feeling—because affection, once it arises, cannot be suppressed. I only wish to tell you this: I will not let the empress stand in your way for long. As for this private matter between you and me, you need not feel that you have stolen her man. So do not feel guilt or unease—you owe her nothing."
He spoke these words lightly, so naturally that one could hardly detect any scheme against the empress.
Shen Nian looked at the Emperor. He did not know what the Empress had done to earn such disgust. Since his arrival in the capital, all he had heard was of the Emperor and Empress's deep devotion—so what had truly happened?
He did not believe the emperor was the sort of man to exploit another's feelings. If he would not do such a thing even to a man like himself, then surely he would never do it to a beloved woman he could openly marry.
Shen Nian could not make sense of it. The Emperor spoke of the Empress calmly, yet beneath that calm lay a casual, dismissive aversion.
Qi Junmu studied Shen Nian's fingers. They were a bit rough, with a thin layer of calluses—but their shape was elegant, long and slender, the knuckles distinct.
Qi Junmu laced his own five fingers through Shen Nian's—ten fingers intertwined, a lingering tenderness passing between them.
Then he said honestly: "I am not a man of fickle affections. I truly did love the empress once. Had certain things not happened, I would have continued to love her—and would never have noticed you. In matters of the heart, I owe her nothing."
"Your Majesty, say no more." Shen Nian's fingers tightened slightly, clasping Qi Junmu's. "This humble subject does not know what happened. If Your Majesty does not wish to speak of it, then do not. This humble subject will never suspect that Your Majesty is using the Empress."
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