Zhang Quan and his men had pretty generous stipends. They could regularly afford wine at a few dozen copper coins a catty. Now they took a sip, let out a blissful ah, as if they'd taken some divine elixir and ascended to paradise—absolutely delightful.
Guaizai fed a few grubs to Gungun and Dandan, then ate a few himself. They were indeed crispy and fragrant. Satisfied, he stared at Zhang Quan. "Uncle, is this wine really that good?"
"Mmm!"
Guaizai was intensely curious. "Does it taste like chicken?"
Zhang Quan laughed. "No."
"Does it taste like steamed bun, then?"
"Not that either."
Guaizai frowned. "Then why's it so good?"
"Of course it's good. Without this stuff, I wouldn't survive," Zhang Quan said, patting his head. "It's not as good as the Guilin Brew from the capital, but it's smooth, rich, with a long, sweet aftertaste—mellow and not harsh on the throat. You'll understand when you're older."
His description only made Guaizai more curious. He stared intently at Zhang Quan's bowl. Back in the capital, when the Zhao men ate together, they'd often have some wine. Guaizai had been curious then and wanted a taste, but they wouldn't let him. He'd crawled under the table to Zhao Yunlan's feet, waited till he wasn't paying attention, and reached for his bowl, wanting to lick it to see what it was like. Zhao Ger had given him a thrashing for that, and he'd behaved for a long while after. Now he looked outside—Zhao Ger wasn't around, and they were far from home. This place felt safe. So he asked Zhang Quan if he could have just a tiny sip. Zhang Quan thought for a moment, then raised his bowl and gave him some.
The wine was spicy and harsh. Guaizai couldn't even swallow it. He stood up, fanning his mouth. "So spicy! So spicy!"
The others laughed at his hopping about.
Guaizai decided wine was absolutely terrible. "Father was right—this really does taste like horse piss."
"Horse piss?" Zhang Quan blinked. "What does horse piss taste like? How would your father know?"
Guaizai didn't hesitate. "He knows because he's drunk it before! Uncle, why you so dumb?"
Zhang Quan: "..."
That might actually be true.
The Prefect was notoriously stingy and shameless. Maybe he was too cheap to buy wine and drank horse piss instead! And since the Prefect was afraid of his fulang, and his fulang didn't like men drinking, maybe the Prefect couldn't get any wine and, craving it, had no choice but to drink horse piss.
After all, the two did look pretty similar.
The others suddenly thought Fang Zichen was even tougher than they'd realized—if he was brave enough to drink horse piss, the man had guts.
Guaizai was very generous. "Uncle, Father says this stuff is expensive. If you want some, you can go catch Xiao Bai's piss."
Xiao Bai was the horse Steward Qin had given him.
Zhang Quan politely declined.
Guaizai ate another bee grub. "Uncle, don't be shy with Guaizai. Xiao Bai pees every day. It'd be a waste if you don't drink it, and wasting is wrong. If you're too embarrassed, Guaizai will go collect some for you tomorrow."
Zhang Quan nearly choked. He loved wine, but he didn't love horse piss—he didn't have the Prefect's refined palate.
The others laughed at the grimace on Zhang Quan's face.
Guaizai had no idea what they were laughing about. He ate a few more pupae, then led Gungun and Dandan back home.
The next day, Zhang Quan quietly sought out Fang Zichen. He'd tossed and turned all night, thinking that drinking horse piss was truly a terrible habit—pinching pennies wasn't worth that. Walls had ears, if word got out, it'd be disastrous. The Prefect would lose all face.
"My lord," he said. "If you ever feel like drinking in the future, just tell me. I'll buy you some every day."
His expression was deadly serious. Fang Zichen was taken aback. "But I don't drink," he said, puzzled.
"My lord, the Zhujun isn't here," Zhang Quan said, with a look that said stop pretending—we're all men here, we understand each other's unspoken troubles.
Fang Zichen said, "But I really don't want to drink it!"
His expression didn't look like he was faking it. Zhang Quan said, "If that's the case, then could it be that you, my lord, simply have a taste for horse urine?"
A flash of anger crossed Fang Zichen's face, and his tone turned cold: "You're the one who drinks horse urine! Who said I like drinking horse urine?"
Which bastard said that? How dare they slander me like this—damn it!
Zhang Quan said, "It was Young Master Guaizai who said it."
Fang Zichen: "······"
That little brat.
The day before yesterday, he started a rumor that I was squatting in the outhouse and couldn't find a scraping stick. And now he's spreading word that I drink horse piss? This is rebellion—outright rebellion.
If I don't discipline him, tomorrow he'll probably be telling people I eat shit while standing on my head.
Fang Zichen stormed home in a fury. Zhao Ger was giving Gungun little pigtails. When he heard the commotion, he looked up and saw Fang Zichen's gloomy face. "Husband, what's wrong?"
Fang Zichen planted his hands on his hips and looked around. "Where's my eldest son?"
"He went out to dig up worms to feed the chickens." Zhao Ger was confused. "Did something happen?"
"Zhao Ger," Fang Zichen sat down beside him, "you need to control your eldest son."
Zhao Ger raised an eyebrow. "What did he do?"
Fang Zichen slapped his thigh in outrage. "You have no idea—this kid is out there telling everyone that you love drinking horse piss. People came all the way to ask me about it, wondering how you could have such a peculiar taste. That little brat is making you lose face!"
Hearing this, Zhao Ger flew into a rage.
Guaizai had dug up two bamboo tubes full of earthworms and returned home happily. Before he even got through the door, he saw his dad waiting for him at the entrance.
"Daddy, are you waiting for Guaizai? Oh dear, Daddy, why are you hitting me?!"
Guaizai dashed all over the house. Fang Zichen held Gungun and Dandan, peeking through the window, finally feeling the anger in his heart subside.
Gungun and Dandan tugged at him anxiously, pointing outside. "Daddy hit! Father, save—save brother! Save brother!"
Fang Zichen didn't budge.
No way I'm saving him.
Let him start rumors—now he's seen a ghost, hasn't he?
"Why is Daddy hitting me?" Guaizai scrambled up a pillar and clung to it, refusing to come down. Zhao Ger said through gritted teeth, "Because you went around telling people I drink horse urine!"
"Huh?" Guaizai blinked, looking utterly innocent. "Guaizai didn't say Daddy. Guaizai was talking about Father!"
Fang Zichen: "······"
That little brat.
I'm done for now.
The door was pounded on, and Zhao Ger's voice came through the planks—like a demon from hell, deep and ominous, sending chills down the spine and making every hair stand on end: "Husband, open the door."
Open the door and die. Not opening, not opening, I'm not opening!
As the saying goes: when fighting a tiger, brothers stand together; when going to battle, fathers and sons fight side by side. In the end, both father and son ended up kneeling in the yard again.
"Father, does it hurt?" Guaizai leaned close to Fang Zichen and whispered.
"What do you think!" Fang Zichen pinched his cheek. "Why did you say I drink horse piss? It's all your fault."
Guaizai didn't understand. "But you said wine tastes like horse piss."
Fang Zichen wanted to roll his eyes. "Did I say I drink horse piss?"
"Practice is the only standard for testing truth. If you've never drunk it, how would you know what horse piss tastes like? Even if you didn't say it, Guaizai still figured it out."
Fang Zichen: "······"
He had nothing to say, no way to argue—every point was valid. From now on, he'd have to be more careful with this clever little monkey of a son.
"Then I wronged you," Fang Zichen said.
"It's okay, Guaizai is very forgiving!" Guaizai kissed Fang Zichen, not bothered at all. He was already used to being hit by Zhao Ger, and this time he was wearing thick pants. Two wooden sticks had broken on him, and he hadn't even felt the pain.
"Father, Guaizai dreamed about Liuliu last night."
Seeing him look a little downcast, Fang Zichen put an arm around him. "What did you dream about him?"
Guaizai said glumly, "He likes Xiao Dong, but Xiao Dong likes playing with Guaizai—he says Guaizai is handsome and that he loves Guaizai the most. So Liuliu brought a whole basket of chickens and told Guaizai to leave Xiao Dong. Guaizai was just looking for a sack to put the chickens in when Brother Xiao Feng shook me awake and told me to stop laughing so much, because Guaizai was being too loud and he couldn't sleep. Brother Xiao Feng is so annoying."
Fang Zichen: "······"
And here I thought he was sad because he missed Liuliu. This son of mine is truly hopeless.
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