"Yu Ger..."
"Stop shouting!" Second Aunt Li was furious: "Did you see that? That little wretch, he dared to push me! I told you this ger is no good. Haven't I been good to him these past two years? Whatever we have, I think of him. But him! He doesn't know to side with his own family at all. He even wants me to apologize to your brother? Pah! Is he even worthy?"
Li Yixing was fully aware of his mother's character, yet he had always been a filial son. In his view, even if a parent was at fault, it was improper for Xie Xiaoyu, as a junior, to act so disrespectfully toward her.
Both sides were in the wrong. He was momentarily at a loss, stammering and unsure of what to say. But when he learned that Xie Xiaoyu had run out to look for Li Yisheng, he couldn't sit still anymore.
"You are not allowed to go," said Second Aunt Li. "You are a scholar. What would it look like, chasing after a ger? The two families have settled the betrothal, this matter is nailed down and allows no regrets, unless the Xie family has no regard for their reputation. You must carry yourself with pride and maintain your distance. If you don't, once you are married, he will surely walk all over you."
"Mother, how can I act prideful?" Li Yixing looked toward the courtyard gate and hung his head. "What is the Xie family's status? And what is our Li family's status? His agreement to marry into our Li family is already a step down for him. Uncle Xie holds a post in the prefectural office. If I were to bully Yu Ger, he could crush me with a mere gesture, and my future would be over."
Second Aunt Li was well aware of these high stakes, but she didn't see it as a problem.
Once Xie Xiaoyu married into the Li family, he would become a member of the Li family. Then, they could say and do as they pleased, and handle him as they saw fit. These days, divorce was not commonplace. A ger who had lost his virtue would be considered damaged goods, and even if he returned to his birth family, the relentless criticism from society would have made his life unbearable.
____
As it was not yet the curfew hour, the streets outside were still quite lively. Outside the pleasure pavilions, the glow of lanterns created a hazy ambiance, where women adorned with crimson rouge and emerald accessories stood at the entrance, inviting patrons inside.
"Young Master, would you like to come in for a drink?"
A girl came up and linked arms with Li Yisheng. Li Yisheng frowned, politely declined, and quickly walked away.
Aimless and in a daze, he wandered along the street. When he came to his senses, he found he had already reached the bank of the Lotus River.
The willow trees along the river were hung full of lanterns. Under the trees, people stood in small groups watching, making it exceptionally bustling.
There was a small pavilion by the lake, and Xie Xiaoyu was just coming out of it.
He was sweating profusely, his face was flushed, and he was looking around left and right, seemingly very anxious and searching for something. When he saw Li Yisheng, his eyes suddenly lit up.
Li Yisheng turned, wanting to leave again. Xie Xiaoyu pushed through the crowd and chased after him, stretching out his arm to block his path.
"Brother Sheng..."
Li Yisheng didn't look at him. Seeing that Xie Xiaoyu was alone, his brows unconsciously knitted together. "It will be dark soon."
Xie Xiaoyu stared at him intently: "I know."
"Then why aren't you returning home?" Li Yisheng said. "What are you still doing out here? Are you trying to find trouble?"
Xie Xiaoyu: "...I'm looking for you. Brother Sheng, let me see your hand."
"It's fine." Li Yisheng retreated two steps, avoiding the hand Xie Xiaoyu reached out. "I'm leaving first. You..."
"Brother Sheng, how long are you going to avoid me?" Li Yisheng's repeated, unexplained avoidance and his sudden shifts in emotion were more than Xie Xiaoyu could bear any longer.
Previously, he had remained silent and refrained from asking because he knew that if his feelings were one-sided, then laying them bare might mean he and Li Yisheng couldn't even remain friends.
They lived in separate places. If they were no longer friends, he would never again have a reason to see Li Yisheng. The mere thought of never laying eyes on Li Yisheng again in this lifetime was more than he could bear.
Second Aunt Li's words had given him courage, given him hope. If he had misunderstood, then laying things out in the open, clarifying everything, didn't matter anymore.
The situation couldn't possibly be worse than it was now.
He looked at Li Yisheng and asked, "Brother Sheng, why are you avoiding me? Can you give me a reason?"
Li Yisheng turned his head away, not daring to look at him. "No reason!"
Xie Xiaoyu did not retreat. He stepped forward, grabbing Li Yisheng to prevent him from pulling back further. "Why were you angry earlier? What did Auntie mean by those words?"
Li Yisheng cleared his throat, his voice rough. But the moment the words "I don't know what you're talking about" left his lips, Xie Xiaoyu began to cry before him.
"You're lying," Xie Xiaoyu moved closer and punched Li Yisheng heavily on the chest, crying, "You know what I'm talking about, Brother Sheng..." His voice was nearly choked with sobs. He clutched Li Yisheng's arm, tears streaming down uncontrollably, his words becoming incoherent. "You avoid me, you won't see me, why? Where did I make you unhappy? What did I do wrong?"
Li Yisheng had once joked that Xie Xiaoyu was carefree and never held a grudge, which was indeed true. While Xie Xiaoyu's temper could ignite quickly, it would dissipate just as fast. He was perpetually cheerful and lighthearted, appearing to live without any worries—always enthusiastic and radiant. In all of Li Yisheng's memories, he could scarcely recall a time when Xie Xiaoyu had been anxious or sorrowful, much less seen him shed tears.
But now, that dazzling, blazing little sun, who had always felt out of reach, stood before him with red-rimmed eyes, crying in a disheveled, wretched state.
Li Yisheng couldn't suppress a cough.
Xie Xiaoyu scrubbed at his tears with the back of his hand, lifted his gaze to meet Li Yisheng's, and uttered in a voice thick with emotion, "Brother Sheng, I'm not young anymore."
He lowered his head, fell silent for a moment, and when he spoke again, his voice was filled entirely with grief. "I started chasing after you when I was eight years old. Now I'm nineteen, almost twenty. I'm not young anymore. My family is pressuring me, they want me to marry Li Yixing, but I'm unwilling. Brother Sheng..." That sentence he had long wanted to say, but had buried deep in his heart out of timidity for years, finally broke through its heavy shackles.
"Brother Sheng, I like you. I—"
Li Yisheng's pupils constricted abruptly. His head, which had been hanging low, jerked up. He looked at the crying Xie Xiaoyu, shocked and stunned. He interrupted him, his voice hoarse: "You... what did you say?"
Embarrassment, resentment, and helplessness surged in his heart together. It seemed his courage had been exhausted with the words 'I like you' he had just uttered. Xie Xiaoyu let go of his hand.
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