Zhang Huaiwen's gaze was intense and direct, leaving no room for misinterpretation. Previously, Zhao Ger hadn't paid it much mind. The other man was the county magistrate's brother-in-law and the son of the wealthiest family in Huinan Town—a person of high status. Zhao Ger saw himself as merely a coarse village ger, rough and unrefined. To have earned Fang Zichen's affection was the greatest fortune of his life, he dared not entertain any other presumptuous thoughts.
He had taken the aunt's words from that day to heart, but his only intention was to maintain a respectful distance from Zhang Huaiwen. The town was full of gossips, and Fang Zichen knew many people. Zhao Ger feared that any careless rumors might reach his husband's ears. As for the aunt's claim that Zhang Huaiwen fancied him, he simply didn't believe it.
A ger who toiled in the dirt, weathered by sun and wind, knew his own place in the world all too well.
But now, with Zhang Huaiwen looking at him with such admiring eyes, Zhao Ger couldn't help but frown.
"You flatter me, Young Master Zhang, I..."
"Gaopinzhai released a new dessert yesterday. My younger brother said it's very delicious, has a great texture. You finished your stall early today, I'd like to invite you to try it together. Would that be alright?" Zhang Huaiwen suddenly said with a smile.
Zhao Ger shook his head and began packing up his things: "I'm sorry, my son is at home. He's still young, and I'm not very comfortable leaving him."
The smile instantly froze on Zhang Huaiwen's face. His heart sank: "Zhao Ger..."
He knew Zhao Ger was rejecting him, and the reason given was quite perfunctory.
The last time Guaizai hadn't come to the market, Zhang Huaiwen hadn't seen the big-headed kid. As always, he had racked his brains for conversation topics, and that day had been no different.
When he had asked after the child, Zhao Ger had simply said he was at home. Zhang Huaiwen had expressed concern, asking if it was really alright for such a young boy to be home alone without an adult.
And what had Zhao Ger said then?
He said it was fine, the child was well-behaved, wouldn't wander off, and that there was nothing to worry about.
Now...
Zhao Ger slung his basket on his back and was about to leave when Zhang Huaiwen grabbed his arm.
Zhao Ger stopped walking, his face displeased: "Young Master Zhang?"
"Zhao Ger," Zhang Huaiwen pleaded, his grip tightening as Zhao Ger tried to pull away. "Must you refuse me so directly? Am I truly so lacking in your eyes? Tell me, what about me is not good enough."
If his previous words were somewhat indirect, then at this moment, these words completely laid his feelings bare
Though Zhao Ger was a ger and half a head shorter than Zhang Huaiwen, he had done manual labor year-round. Zhang Huaiwen was from a wealthy family, had never suffered hardship, and was weak. Zhao Ger struggled with force and broke free from his grasp.
Zhang Huaiwen stared blankly at his own hand. The moment he was shaken off, it felt as if he had lost all his armor and been utterly defeated.
"Young Master Zhang, please have some self-respect," Zhao Ger said.
Since Zhang Huaiwen had spoken plainly and revealed his feelings, harboring such intentions meant they couldn't even be friends anymore.
Zhao Ger's expression darkened, a mix of shock and anger rising within him.
He had genuinely considered Zhang Huaiwen a friend.
But Zhang Huaiwen...
Zhao Ger didn't look at him anymore, his expression stern as he said, "I am married. Whether you are good or not has nothing to do with me."
"I know, I know all that," Zhang Huaiwen said, his face etched with pain. Pouring his heart out on the street was hardly proper and far too rushed, but he could wait no longer.
For some reason, Zhao Ger had suddenly begun keeping his distance these past few days. He had invested so much effort just to draw one step closer, only for Zhao Ger to push him away again without warning.
They were back where they started.
They resembled friends, yet weren't truly friends. They could only exchange a few brief words, and nothing more.
This was the first time he had liked someone so much. Why couldn't Zhao Ger understand? Why couldn't he accept him?
What was wrong with him?
He had money and talent. If Zhao Ger were with him, his life would at the very least be far more comfortable than it was now.
He wouldn't have to labor so tirelessly or endure the harsh wind and sun. Zhao Ger, why couldn't he see that...?
Zhao Ger's lips tightened almost imperceptibly. The situation felt hauntingly familiar, and he suddenly remembered Fang Zichen and Ma Wen.
Ma Wen had asked him the same question to back then.
He never understood what Ma Wen had seen in him. Back when he lived with the Ma family, he had asked him directly. Ma Wen had stammered and evaded, finally mumbling that he was good-looking and liked the way he smiled.
Zhao Ger had been baffled—he couldn't recall ever smiling in front of Ma Wen. He concluded the man was just being disingenuous.
Later, there was Fang Zichen, who teased him relentlessly and shamelessly said "I love you" all the time.
Whenever he said those words, Zhao Ger would swat at him and call him a shameless rogue. But he couldn't deny it, hearing those words, no matter how many times, every time Fang Zichen said them, he felt irrepressibly happy inside.
Yet his deep-seated insecurities made him fearful of loss.
The first decade of his life had been a nightmare—trapped in a quagmire, struggling only to sink deeper. Good things never came his way, and what little he desired remained stubbornly out of reach. When Fang Zichen said he liked him; he wanted to believe it, but he was afraid it was just a beautiful dream he was having in the dead of winter. When he woke up, he would be alone again, with a child, struggling bitterly, just like at the Ma family, where he dreamed his parents came looking for him and took him home, only to wake up still lying in the haystack, shivering with cold.
The crushing disappointment upon waking from such dreams was almost too much to bear.
So when Fang Zichen expressed his affection, Zhao Ger couldn't help but ask what exactly he liked about him—and whether his feelings were genuine.
Fang Zichen didn't answer directly. He simply looked at him intently. Zhao Ger wasn't sure if the man could see the insecurity and anxiety in his heart, but then he said, "Don't ask me what I like about you. I like everything about you, not just one single quality. I love you, so even your farts seem sweet to me. You need to understand—being loved by someone as exceptional as me is proof that you're pretty remarkable yourself. Ordinary people don't catch my eye. Have more confidence in yourself."
Hearing those words, Zhao Ger felt both annoyed and helpless, but more than anything, a warmth bloomed in his chest.
If Fang Zichen only loved him for his looks, then what would happen if someone more attractive came along? Would he be cast aside?
If Fang Zichen valued him for his diligence, what would happen when he could no longer work? Would he be cast off with disdain?
Ma Wen claimed to love his smile, yet Zhao Ger had never once smiled in that man's presence. His hollow flattery was obvious.
What Zhao Ger wanted was someone who would love him unconditionally.
And he had already found such a person. No matter how good Zhang Huaiwen was, it had nothing to do with him.
"You are very good," Zhao Ger said bluntly: "But I already have someone to spend my life with."
"Spend your life with?" Zhang Huaiwen's face suddenly turned pale. He asked in a mocking tone, "Is he that good? Can you be so sure you will grow old together?"
People came and went on the street. They stood facing each other, with only a short distance between them. Some people were looking their way.
Zhao Ger didn't care. He just lowered his gaze and was silent for a long moment: "I can be sure."
His expression grew resolute, different from his usual gentle demeanor. "I don't know if he can, but I know I can. As long as he doesn't abandon me, I will stay with him, always and forever."
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