Guaizai took Fang Zichen's hand and placed it on his own big head: "Father, I had a bath yesterday and washed my hair so I'd smell nice. Do I smell good?"
While in Yuanzhou, Fang Zichen had missed his son terribly. Now that he saw him, he was willing to go along with whatever his son said.
Soapberries didn't have much scent, and even if they did, it should have faded after a night. Fang Zichen lowered his head and sniffed: "Fragrant, my son smells wonderful."
Guaizai nodded: "Yes! Guaizai smells fragrant!"
Fang Zichen gave a loud kiss on his cheek, blowing a puff of air that made a sound like a bubbling pop. Guaizai giggled, finding it incredibly fun, so much fun: "Guaizai's face can fart now!"
He laughed so hard his whole body shook. Zhao Ger hadn't seen him laugh like this since Fang Zichen had left. Yesterday when he gave him a bath, normally he would just scrub him quickly. With the cooler weather, he typically washed the boy's hair every other day, and yesterday wasn't the day for it. But Guaizai had insisted, even demanding to use the soapberries. It turned out the little boy had deliberately washed himself to be sweet-smelling for his father's return.
So young, yet already full of clever schemes.
He couldn't help but reach out and pinch Guaizai's cheek. Guaizai just kept laughing. When he finished laughing, he lifted his shirt, revealing his pale, smooth little belly. He touched his chest and complained to Fang Zichen: "Father, Guaizai's nipple got bitten."
[奶奶 (nǎi nai): child's term for nipple/chest]
"...What?" Fang Zichen was greatly alarmed, his expression changing abruptly. He moved Guaizai's little hand aside and looked carefully. There were some wounds around the little nipple, already scabbed over. It really did look like a bite.
Although Guaizai was small, his features were exceptionally delicate and outstanding—big eyes, small pink lips, utterly adorable. In modern times, Fang Zichen had heard of all sorts of things—seventy-year-old men luring five- and six-year-old children into inappropriate acts.
I've only been gone for a few days, and someone dares to do this to my sweet, well-behaved son? I'm still alive! It's not like I was gone forever. How dare these beasts act like this? It's as if they don't take Third Young Master Fang seriously at all!
Right now, even if he were standing on his last legs, he would push open the coffin lid to deal with this.
"Who? Who the hell was it? Daring to bully my son like this? Tired of living? Watch how I slap him twice and teach him how to be a proper person. Damn it, not even sparing a child, worse than a beast."
Guaizai immediately said: "It was Fourth Grandfather He's big stupid goose! It wanted to eat Guaizai's nipple, bit Guaizai, it hurt!"
"...Huh?" The fury that had risen to his throat choked him, stuck halfway. Fang Zichen blinked: "What big stupid goose? Is it... a person?"
Zhao Ger smiled and explained: "It's the goose raised by Fourth Uncle He. It's just a goose, not a person."
"Yes!" Guaizai cupped Fang Zichen's face with his little hands: "Father must get revenge for Guaizai."
"Ah... well~" Fang Zichen was momentarily speechless.
How am I supposed to get revenge for this?
Although he thought himself quite capable and good at boasting, no matter how powerful he was, he didn't have the skill to teach a goose how to be a proper person!
But words spoken were like water spilled, there was no taking them back. He glanced at Guaizai, who was looking at him full of expectation, his eyes shining brightly.
Fang Zichen steeled his resolve.
In this day and age, an iron rod could be ground down to a needle, a sow could climb a tree, a boar could give birth—was there anything that couldn't be done?
Tomorrow he would go and chant scriptures to the goose. If he said "Amitabha" enough times, maybe it would gain some sense.
"Alright, tomorrow Father will get your revenge."
Guaizai cheered: "Yay, yay~"
Zhao Ger shot Fang Zichen a look: "Don't you dare cause trouble." This wasn't done on purpose, it was purely an accident. Besides, Fourth Uncle He had already apologized. For such a small matter, it was normal for children to get bumps and bruises. Holding a grudge and not letting go was unreasonable.
If word got out, who would still play with Guaizai in the future?
People would probably avoid him from afar.
It hadn't been easy for the child to find playmates, he couldn't let Fang Zichen mess things up.
Fang Zichen raised his head: "I know my limits."
Guaizai said: "Father, Guaizai hurts, need kisses."
"Okay~" Fang Zichen kissed his cheek. Guaizai added: "Not there! My nipple hurts. Father needs to kiss my nipple, then it will get better."
Fang Zichen: "..."
Kiss his nipple?
The only person I can kiss like that is my fulang. If I put my lips on anyone else that way, what kind of man would that make me?
I had just called others beasts, I don't want to slap my own face soon.
He tried to reason with Guaizai, explaining that such a spot couldn't be kissed so casually. But Guaizai was immovable, stubbornly refusing to pull his shirt down.
"Need a kiss! Father, kiss it! If you don't, it hurts! Guaizai won't be able to sleep! Guaizai will be so pitiful!"
He looked utterly pitiful, as if he truly had no one to love or care for him, already a little cabbage in the field beaten by frost and drenched by rain. Fang Zichen's heart softened considerably. At that point, he would have kissed the boy's bottom if it had been required. "Alright, alright, I'll kiss it!"
He lifted Guaizai and kissed both of his sore little chest. Only then did Guaizai laugh again and finally agree to cover up.
"Father kissed it! All better, it doesn't hurt anymore! Guaizai has energy again!"
Zhao Ger, amused, patted the boy's bottom. "Husband, let's go home."
On the walk back, Zhao Ger, worried Fang Zichen was tired, suggested he put Guaizai down. Fang Zichen just waved his hand, how could he possibly set him down? "It's fine. He weighs nothing."
Guaizai pursed his lips and buried his face in the crook of Fang Zichen's neck.
When they arrived home, Guaizai stuck to Fang Zichen's side, following him like a shadow. As Fang Zichen opened his large bundle, Guaizai squatted nearby, watching obediently. When a small puppy was lifted out, the boy's little mouth fell open in a gasp.
"Father, it's a little doggie!"
"Mmhmm," Fang Zichen said, handing him the puppy. "Do you like it?"
"Guaizai likes it!" He took the puppy, utterly delighted, his excited little face flushed red. "Why did Father buy a doggie for Guaizai?"
Before Fang Zichen could answer, the boy added, "Is it because Father loves Guaizai? Right?"
"Yes, that's right," Fang Zichen said, patting his head.
"Guaizai loves Father, too!" With that, he ran outside. Fang Zichen didn't think much of it, assuming the boy just wanted to go play with his new pet. He was just about to turn to Zhao Ger, to tell him he had been lovesick and needed a few kisses to recover, when Guaizai's voice suddenly called out from the yard.
"Daddy, come here! Help Guaizai!"
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