Guaizai couldn’t sit still and decided to dig for earthworms.
At noon, Liuliu’s family’s chickens had already eaten, but his own were still hungry.
He didn’t go far, just took a stick and dug along the ridge opposite the courtyard gate.
Beside him was a small bamboo tube Zhao Ger had prepared for him.
After some huffing and puffing, the tube was half-full. The soil here was fertile and loose, and the earthworms were especially plump.
From a distance, Fang Zichen saw him wiggling his butt back and forth like a wild dog digging a hole.
A fat earthworm had half-emerged, about to retreat back into the soil when Guaizai’s quick hands snatched it up.
Fang Zichen approached: "Guaizai~"
"Father~" Guaizai dashed over like a firecracker. Fang Zichen crouched to catch him: "What are you doing?"
"Digging little worms for the chickens to eat." Guaizai was still clutching the particularly fat earthworm.
"Huh?"
Guaizai pinched one end of the worm and lifted his hand.
Fang Zichen smiled—until his eyes focused, and the smile froze on his face. His stomach clenched, and he nearly pissed himself.
The earthworm wriggled wildly in the air, twisting and stretching, now long, now short, slick and slimy, squirming left and right as if trying to escape.
Fang Zichen’s scalp went numb, his mind blanking for a second.
He stumbled backward, his voice trembling: "Quick, quick—throw it away, hurry~"
Guaizai blinked his big eyes, looking up at Fang Zichen, then down at the worm in his hand, back and forth a few times—as if finally understanding something.
He giggled: "Earthworm monster transform~ Earthworm Ultraman! Earthworm Ultraman is here to fight the monster~"
Zhao Ger was sitting in the yard peeling bamboo shoots when a dark gust of wind blew past, followed by a loud slam of the door.
He froze. Guaizai came running in, still holding the worm.
"Earthworm Ultraman is here~ Monster, where do you think you’re running?"
He reached the door and banged on it: "Monster, open up!"
Fang Zichen, like a wrongfully imprisoned convict, gripped the window bars and shouted: "Get that thing away from me!"
Guaizai stood beneath the window: "Father, open the door."
"Not a chance," Fang Zichen glared, grinding his molars. "Throw it away right now."
Guaizai pouted, unwilling. "Earthworm Ultraman hasn’t defeated the monster yet."
Fang Zichen said: "There’s no such thing as Earthworm Ultraman, only Ultraman Tiga and Ultraman Zero."
Guaizai squeezed the worm: "But it just transformed! Now it’s Earthworm Ultraman!"
"Ultraman has to fight monsters," Guaizai declared.
Zhao Ger finally understood what was happening and burst out laughing.
Fang Zichen glared at him: "You’re laughing? Look at your son, he’s climbing all over me now."
Zhao Ger kept laughing, showing no intention of rescuing him from his torment.
Served him right!
Usually, Fang Zichen loved playing the monster, growling "rawr rawr," or pretending to be a zombie, twisting his neck and arms into weird poses while making eerie noises as he chased Guaizai around the yard.
Now Guaizai had turned the tables, and he was eating it up.
Fang Zichen tried to coax him: "There are no monsters today, only demons. That thing in your hand is an earthworm demon."
"Ah!" Guaizai tilted his head. "Then what do we do?"
Ultraman could only fight monsters, not demons.
Fang Zichen couldn’t even bring himself to look at Guaizai, his eyes darting toward Zhao Ger instead.
He came up with a plan: "Go find the Mother Hen Fairy. Earthworm demons are terrified of her."
Guaizai hesitated, but Zhao Ger patted his butt: "Go on, stop playing. Come help Daddy light the fire later—I’ll fry some meat for you."
Meat trumped everything.
Guaizai nodded: "Okay~"
Fang Zichen exhaled in relief. Zhao Ger couldn’t believe he was so scared of something like this.
"You can come out now."
Fang Zichen leaned against the wall as he stepped out, plopping down on the steps: "Damn, my legs are still weak from fright."
"That scared, huh?" Zhao Ger sat beside him, reaching over to massage his legs. "It doesn’t even bite."
For those who worked the fields year-round, dealing with dirt and worms was second nature.
As the tension in his legs eased under Zhao Ger’s hands, Fang Zichen caught his breath: "Even if it can’t bite, I just can’t stand those things. They’re so slimy—disgusting."
A noise came from the backyard, and he added: "Don’t feed the chickens those anymore. Otherwise, I won’t dare eat their eggs later."
Zhao Ger chuckled: "But you ate them last time and said they were delicious!"
Ever since the village chief gave them the chicken, Guaizai had been feeding it earthworms—it had plumped up nicely.
"…"
The rebuttal came too fast.
He stubbornly defended himself: "When did I say that? You must’ve misheard."
"Don’t try to weasel out of it," Zhao Ger teased. "Your name isn’t Weasel Zichen."
"…"
What kind of day was this? Why was everyone trampling all over him?
Did the apex predator of the food chain have no dignity left?
The bamboo shoots weren’t fully peeled yet, and they couldn’t be eaten raw—they had to be boiled and soaked to remove the bitterness first.
Fang Zichen had been eating bamboo shoots for days without getting tired of them, so he felt a little regretful.
"Then what’s for dinner tonight?"
"Zhou Ger just brought some vegetables over," Zhao Ger said.
Living in the village wasn’t the most convenient. In the summer heat, many things didn’t keep well. Last night, Fang Zichen had bought a catty of pork belly. Zhao Ger had fried half and stored the other half half-cooked in an oil jar—it would last much longer that way.
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