Chapter 37
"Zhao Ger," Ma Wen called out, but Zhao Ger didn’t stop walking. Ma Wen chased after him until they were side by side, then asked, "Do you really not want to see me at all?"
Zhao Ger didn’t answer, continuing to fetch water on his own. Ma Wen grabbed his wrist, causing the wooden bucket to clatter to the ground. "Zhao Ger—"
"Let go."
"Zhao Ger, I’ve missed you all this time. Come back—"
Zhao Ger shoved him away sharply, his voice cold. "Ma Wen, I have nothing to do with you anymore. Don’t say things like that."
"How can you say that? Zhao Ger, I love you!" Ma Wen covered his face, his voice muffled between his fingers. "I’ve loved you since we were kids, for so many years. How can you say we’re nothing to each other?"
Zhao Ger exhaled, picking up the bucket. "That’s your problem. I told you from the start, I don’t like you. You just refused to listen."
His words were final. Ma Wen’s voice choked up, his eyes red as he stared at him. "After all these years of treating you well, you still won’t even look at me. Why? What’s wrong with me?"
Zhao Ger remained silent, so Ma Wen began to plead. "Tell me, what don’t you like about me? I’ll change, okay? Zhao Ger, I really… really love you. Come back with me!"
"Go back?" Zhao Ger let out a mocking laugh, his eyes devoid of warmth. "Go back to be your Ma family’s ox?"
"…" Ma Wen’s throat tightened, unable to refute.
"You say you love me, I believe you. But just because you love me doesn’t mean I have to love you back. You ask what’s wrong with you—truth is, you’re fine. You’re obedient, filial, hardworking. But what does that have to do with me?" Now that things had come to this, Zhao Ger laid everything bare.
"You know exactly how I lived in the Ma family. You saw how your parents, your uncles and aunts treated me. Did you ever stand up for me even once when they beat or cursed me?"
"…Zhao Ger."
"You didn’t. You just told me to endure." Zhao Ger’s emotions were unstable, the memories of that dark past resurfacing. Just mentioning the Ma family was enough to make him lose control.
"You always told me to endure, saying they raised you with hardship. But what does that have to do with me? They raised you, not me. I was bought by your family, treated like a slave. I had no choice but to swallow my anger. You had the right to insult and order me around, but I also have the right to hate you. If I could—" His voice was heavy, his expression deadly serious.
"I’d kill every last one of you. See how much I hate you all? Do you really think I’d go back with you?"
Ma Wen was stunned. He never imagined Zhao Ger harbored such deep hatred, enough to want them all dead. After a long silence, he asked quietly, "Do you hate me too?"
Zhao Ger didn’t hesitate. "Yes."
"Why? Because I didn’t help you?" Ma Wen clenched his fists, struggling to keep his composure.
"My parents only have me left. They raised me with hardship, how could I disobey them? When they beat and cursed you, do you think it didn’t hurt me too? Zhao Ger—" Ma Wen’s words turned into a desperate plea.
"If you hate them, I’ll separate from them when I go back. We won’t live together anymore. Come back with me, please. I’m begging you, really begging you."
Zhao Ger said nothing.
He understood Ma Wen’s thoughts.
Back then, when Ma Dazhuang and his wife bought him, they pointed at their youngest son, Ma Tao, and said, "This is your future husband. Serve him well, or we’ll beat you to death."
At the time, the little fool was still young, just two years older than him—dim-witted but well-fed, plump and spoiled. When Madam Ma went out to work, Zhao Ger was left to watch over the fool and do chores. The fool had a terrible temper, throwing tantrums and kicking him whenever he was displeased, never holding back.
Ma Wen would just sit to the side, silently watching. Only if the beating got too severe would he step in and say, "Don’t play like that."
In his eyes, it was just play.
Later, once, when Madam Ma and Ma Dazhuang went to the fields, the fool threw a fit, demanding to go with them. Unable to refuse, Madam Ma finally took him along.
At the field, Madam Ma ordered Zhao Ger to cut grass while she took the fool to pick wild celery by the river. But she wasn’t paying attention, and the fool fell into the water. By the time they found him downstream, Ma Tao had already drowned.
Madam Ma and Ma Dazhuang went mad with grief, beating him relentlessly, blaming him for not watching the fool properly.
But how was that his fault?
Zhao Ger could tell Ma Wen also resented him. Later, Ma Wen claimed to love him, yet never once stepped in to stop the beatings.
Ma Wen always believed his parents’ abuse was vengeance for his brother’s death. If he interfered, not only would it anger them, but he’d also feel like he was betraying his brother.
He pitied Zhao Ger, but only watched. Once, he even told him, "Just treat it as atonement. Endure it!"
Zhao Ger found it absurd. Atonement? What sin did he have to atone for? What crime had he committed?
Ma Wen had never directly harmed him, but just being the son of Ma Dazhuang and his wife was enough reason for Zhao Ger to hate him.
His conscience wasn’t noble enough to spare the children for the parents’ sins.
Ma Wen had watched him suffer years of abuse without lifting a finger. How good could he really be?
His love might be genuine but so was his resentment.
Someone was approaching.
Unwilling to say more, Zhao Ger fetched his water and left.
Ma Wen called after him, about to chase again, when Zhou Ger came running toward them.
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