Chapter 65
The moon was bright, the stars sparse. Ji Taoyu listened to the howling wind sweeping across the wilderness. On these plains, even the wind had nothing to cling to.
The northern frontier was too desolate and lonely.
The people who depended on this land were like grains of sand in the desert, blown away by the wind to who-knows-where.
Even if they resisted stubbornly, it was still hard to put down roots and grow.
Yet, in the midst of turmoil and change, amid the vast uncertainty of life and death, it was still possible to run into someone familiar.
In the grand scheme of things, that was a rare comfort.
Huo Shu turned his head and looked at the person nestled in his arms, still awake and staring at the tent ceiling.
He touched Ji Taoyu’s forehead, then his belly.
Seeing his flushed face, he said, “Still not asleep? Didn’t you say you weren’t feeling well and wanted to rest early?”
Ji Taoyu snapped out of his thoughts, resting his head on Huo Shu’s wrist. “Oh, I’ll sleep now.”
Huo Shu said quietly, “You weren’t really unwell, were you?”
Ji Taoyu’s brows twitched, and he couldn’t help but raise his eyes to look at Huo Shu. “How did you…?”
He was surprised that Huo Shu had figured it out, but being caught red-handed, he couldn’t finish his sentence out of guilt.
“I… I didn’t know what you were really thinking. Even though you said you wouldn’t see A-Shou, your mood didn’t seem any lighter when we were on the road.”
“I thought, since we live in the south now, coming back to the northern frontier won’t be easy. Even if we do return, old acquaintances might not be where they once were. Maybe refusing to see him was just a spur-of-the-moment decision, so I wanted to stay one more night to give you enough time to think through your true feelings.”
Huo Shu rubbed Ji Taoyu’s hair. “I know.”
Seeing that Huo Shu wasn’t upset, Ji Taoyu relaxed.
“Then… if I hadn’t stopped the group, and Uncle Fan and the others hadn’t caught up, what would you have done?”
Huo Shu didn’t answer.
Ji Taoyu narrowed his eyes at the silence and pinched Huo Shu’s arm.
Though it did no damage to his copper skin and iron bones, it was enough to express his displeasure.
“Say something. You never tell me anything, always making me guess.”
“…I probably would’ve gone to see him.”
No matter where the caravan camped at night, they had already wasted a lot of time at the horse farm. Since it got dark early in the north, they wouldn’t have been able to travel more than an hour or two anyway.
Riding back at night would take at most an hour. The round trip wouldn’t be too long.
Huo Shu’s voice carried a hint of resignation. He hadn’t wanted to bring this up, it made him seem conflicted and weak.
Ji Taoyu’s ears perked up. “If you wanted to see him, then just say so! Why be so stubborn?”
Huo Shu let out a heavy breath.
His feelings were complicated. Many things weren’t simply black or white, nor could they be easily put into words.
When he was young, his mother and stepfather’ indifference toward him was real, and their favoritism toward Huo Shou was also real.
He had resented it, why couldn’t they treat them equally?
But upon reflection, he was the child his mother had borne in her reckless youth with a wandering man. To her, even though he was her own flesh and blood, he was also a permanent reminder of the mistakes of her past.
As for his stepfather, in a household that was already struggling, how could he expect him to give the best to him instead of his own biological son?
Yet, he also wondered—if they had foreseen these difficulties, why had his mother given birth to him? Why had his stepfather married his mother knowing she came with baggage?
They hadn’t considered the consequences, leaving him to bear them instead.
He had spent years torn between hoping for their care and resenting their actions.
So he had wanted to escape. He hadn’t wanted them to see him.
As for Huo Shou—this younger brother, his feelings toward him had been just as complicated in his youth.
Huo Shou had stayed up late teaching him to read and write, passing on everything he learned in school, repeating it ten times over until he understood.
Huo Shou had also shared food and gifts with him first. If he could get two portions, great. If not, he’d give up his own for him.
But Huo Shou had also been the one who, when bullied, let Huo Shu step in and beat the offenders bloody—only to shrink back when their families came demanding answers, never admitting that he had been wronged first.
Huo Shu had been furious, disappointed, and vowed to leave that home.
He’d thought that dying in the wild would be better than staying in that home.
“Huo Shou was kind and warm-hearted, but he was also cowardly and timid.”
Huo Shu said slowly, “No one is perfect. If I had understood that back then, I wouldn’t have been so cold.”
But in the heat of youth, how could he have seen things clearly?
He had been afraid of regretting a path he couldn’t turn back from, so he had subconsciously convinced himself that he wasn’t wrong, that it was others who had failed him.
It had taken Huo Shu years—in the barracks, on the battlefield, facing cruelty and injustice, life and death...before he finally understood many things.
Ji Taoyu gently patted Huo Shu’s shoulder. Having grown up doted on by his parents, with all the best things given to him, he had never tasted the bitterness of Huo Shu’s past.
But now, knowing his history, the ache in his heart was no less than if he had lived it himself.
All he could do now was offer words of comfort: “The ancients said: Regret the past you cannot change, but know the future can still be shaped.”
Huo Shu said, “It’s all in the past. Since I let them stay, I won’t cling to old grudges. Sleep now.”
Ji Taoyu nodded.
The next day, by the time everyone woke, the sky was already bright.
Uncle Fan and the others, long accustomed to the northern frontier’s rhythms, had risen earlier than the rest.
By the time the group got up, they had already fed the horses.
Once everyone was ready, they set off on their return journey without delay.
Thank you for the update!!!
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