Chapter 56: Going to the Capital
After Li Wen’s funeral, once all the guests had left, Yang Jiabo sat quietly by the mourning hall folding joss paper. His second aunt came over and handed him a letter from Li Wen’s belongings.
“Jiajia, this is a letter Xiao Wen wrote for you. It’s just a shame he never got to send it before the accident. Don’t be too sad, this was his fate.”
Yang Jiabo stiffened, his hands trembling as he took the letter. Seeing the words “To Yang Jiabo” on the envelope and “From Li Wen” as the sender, he hesitated, unable to bring himself to open it.
Fate? But this wasn’t his fate at all.
“Jiajia, stop looking so gloomy, like something out of a horror movie.” Zhang Qiang sat down beside him and started folding paper alongside him. “The dead can’t come back to life, but the living must keep living.”
Yang Jiabo: “I know that.”
“If you know, then that’s enough. I’m not one for comforting words anyway. It’s just that your expression is giving me a stomachache, I can’t ignore it even if I try. When I have time, I’ll take you out for drinks. Drowning your sorrows helps—no problem can’t be solved with a good drink.” Zhang Qiang patted his shoulder and sauntered off, as unreliable as ever. Yang Jiabo wondered why he even got along with this guy.
No sooner had one left than another arrived. Zhou Lingling walked over and sat beside Yang Jiabo, hesitating before speaking. “Jiajia, there’s something I want to say to you.”
“Go ahead.” Yang Jiabo’s tone was indifferent.
Though Zhou Lingling wasn’t a member of the Li family by name, she was the first college student in the Li family. The Li family adored her and had long forgotten what she’d done in the past, never considering how much she might have hurt Yang Jiabo.
“I was wrong before. I was young and impulsive, and I ended up hurting you. I’ve always felt guilty, I’m sorry.” Zhou Lingling’s voice grew quieter.
“I accept your apology, but I won’t forgive you. An apology doesn’t erase the harm done, so you can keep feeling guilty.” Yang Jiabo’s tone didn’t change. He didn’t care about her apology, nor did he have the energy to play happy family with her.
“I understand.” Zhou Lingling sounded dejected. “Also… don’t blame yourself too much. What happened to Second Cousin wasn’t your fault.”
“Mm.” Even though everyone told him it wasn’t his fault, Yang Jiabo couldn’t let it go.
He continued folding joss paper, but his mind was fixated on the letter in his pocket. He wanted to read it but didn’t dare, torn between the two impulses.
“What are you lazing around here for? Go help clean up. After all this time, you’re still as lazy as ever.” His eldest uncle stormed in, berating Yang Jiabo without hesitation.
Yang Jiabo glanced up at him but ignored him, meticulously folding another paper ingot.
“What’s with that attitude?”
“Eldest Brother, leave Jiajia alone. Didn’t you see how busy he’s been these past few days? With so many people helping, what’s wrong with letting him rest for a bit?” Yang Jianjun, who had been keeping an eye on Yang Jiabo, immediately grew displeased at the eldest uncle’s tone.
The eldest uncle wanted to argue, but the second uncle pulled him away. Yang Jianjun sat beside Yang Jiabo and asked, “Your eldest uncle’s always been like that, don’t mind him. You’ve been exhausted these past few days. Let’s go home.”
“Okay.” Yang Jiabo nodded. With the funeral over, people kept popping up one after another, making it impossible for him to find peace. Going home was better.
Yang Jianjun informed the second uncle before leaving with Yang Jiabo. The Li relatives tried to get Yang Jianjun to chauffeur them around a few more times, but the second uncle stopped them. He knew Yang Jiabo hadn’t been himself lately, and Yang Jianjun was keeping a close watch on him, he didn’t have time for trivial matters.
That night, back at home, Yang Jiabo sat at his desk in a daze. The main light in the study was off, leaving only the desk lamp to illuminate a small area. Under its glow lay Li Wen’s final letter to him.
Yang Jianjun stood at the study door, watching him worriedly. “Jiajia, you haven’t rested properly these past few days. Go to bed early.”
“I know.” Yang Jiabo responded absentmindedly, his attention entirely on the letter. He took a deep breath and carefully used a letter opener to slit the envelope open, his hands trembling slightly the entire time.
Jiajia
Hope this letter finds you well!
Nowadays, with phones and mobiles, staying in touch is easy. But some words, some things, are hard to say over the phone, so I thought I’d write you a letter.
As the eldest son, my parents always favored the younger ones. And I was a bit of a troublemaker, always running around in the mountains or rivers, even talking back to them. Compared to my obedient, hardworking second brother and clever little sister, I was full of flaws.
Before I even finished elementary school, my parents didn’t want me to continue studying. In a fit of anger, I burned my textbooks. In the end, it was Grandma who insisted I finish middle school. If not for her, I wouldn’t have been able to join the army. I’ll always be grateful to her.
Besides Grandma, the person I want to thank is you. All our relatives doted on Second Brother and Little Sister, only you ever took my side. Truth be told, I used to envy you, the spoiled only child, even though you always stood up for me. Sorry about that, I was young and didn’t know better. But I looked after you too, so let’s call it even, okay?
Before joining the army, I was lost. I didn’t want to stay in that remote mountain village, but I didn’t know what else I could do. Every day felt meaningless. My dad couldn’t stand it, so beatings and scoldings were common. My temper grew worse, and I couldn’t control myself. I was desperate to escape but had nowhere to go.
So when you asked if I wanted to join the army, I was overjoyed. I happily enlisted, and though the training was tough and the adjustment hard, I was happy.
I didn’t want to go back. I wanted to stay in the army, so I trained hard and pushed myself. Finally, I got the chance to stay. It felt like a dream—one day, I was just an ordinary villager, and the next, I was a soldier.
Your dad was right, I was born for the army. Here, I’m like a bird returning to the sky or a fish back in the ocean. All my strengths could shine. To sound a little cheesy, I found the meaning of my life.
Notice how my writing’s improved? Brother’s telling you, brother looks damn good in uniform, not many can match my spirit. I’ve included a photo so you can see for yourself.
Well, that’s all. You know how bad my Chinese grades were. Writing this much is already a miracle, it’s all from the heart. We’ll talk about the rest over the phone. Honestly, I miss Mom and Dad. That brat Little Sister has probably been badmouthing me, keep an eye on her for me. I’ll deal with her when I get back.
Has Second Brother learned to eat spicy food yet? He’s already pale as a sheet and can’t tan, and now he won’t even touch chili? He is too girly and needs some serious toughening up.
Alright, I can’t write anymore. I’ll bring you some candied fruit when I’m back. You’ll be over the moon, you sugar-loving mouse.
Li Wen (Your Brother)
September 2, 2004
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